Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit it’s April 1^st!

Standing on this promontory arrived at after the last month’s writing practice, I feel a sense of satisfaction. I’m not satisfied that I am complete, however. With continued curiosity, but also a little trepidation, I realize that the natural outcome of a practice like this one is no outcome at all, it’s a call to continue in some way.

No, It’s not an April fools prank, I am going to keep writing. I would like to change the orientation a bit, however. The premise remains the same, showing up daily. I will continue to explore the inherited streams of my past and the emergent qualities of my artistry. I would like to add a bit of focus to this month’s inquiry and I have a request from you all, dear readers.

This month I am going to hold the intention to explore my relationship to my vocational identity. Vulnerability is not a discarded concept. For me, one of the greatest, and most challenging, places for me to be more vulnerable is in the conversation about how I would like to marry my gifts to my work. I will be working a tender edge of my becoming in this conversation.

I have had a fluid relationship with work. Fluid may even be too structured of a word. I have been involved in so many different kinds of projects with different kinds of people over my life. When I think about my resume, the operative language at this point is, “breadth over depth”. For many years now I have used that description as a detractor, a negative judgment. When I am forced to talk about my work, which right there you can see my own personal resistance in using the word “forced”, I deflect and diminish and justify and sometimes even deceive because it is painful to talk about.

The pain is that I don’t feel a sense of pride and excitement discussing the things I’ve done vocationally because I haven’t allowed the time or the attention to make the connections between what seem like disconnected projects. I have been desperately seeking what I have been calling the “red thread” that connects them all. The set of skills or intentions or aspirations that sew these seeming disparate scenes in my work history together.

My first request is to tug at the threads gently. This is meant for me more than any of you reading this. I am wading into some murky waters that conjure up a lot of demons. I will endeavor to stay aware of what is emerging and give myself the kindness of attention to it, not distraction from it.

My request to you all is one of insight. I would would welcome any ideas and thoughts that emerge from your reading along this next month. Would you be willing, from time to time, to take a moment to share from your own vocational legacies anything that may be triggered by my inquiry into mine?