I had a great conversation recently with a friend about the relationship between desire and expectation in regards to outcome.

We were telling stories about past relationships. We each recounted versions of that age-old story that country music careers are built on. You know the one about one person wanting more than the other, and yet the one left wanting could not move on, nor understand why.

My focus only on a specific outcome, her being mine, caused more distance and separation between us. It was a singular focus on the wrong thing, and not a commitment to the dynamics of a changing life, the unknown, that we each were engaging in. I did not commit to the relating, the process. I committed to the abstract person I wanted to have. I objectified her and idealized an impossible union. I missed what could be in favor of attaching to an impossible outcome.

In my 3^rd year in college, I had the opportunity to spend a semester studying in Zimbabwe. A large focus of my work and research was centered on a local youth development, empowerment and leadership program in the township where I was living. One day the director of the program, and my host, suggested that I teach a class.

I was nervous. There was a game I had played with groups before and it allowed for great teachable moments. I planned and planned. I anticipated answers to questions and concerns that could come up in the game. I had note cards at the ready in response to each possible scenario. I was going to teach the pants off this lesson.

Well after the game failed, I recovered by moving into a discussion. With carefully planned cards at the ready, I asked for comments. The first hand up was that of one of the youth leaders of the group and her answer blew me away. It was nothing that I had thought of, and was absolutely the right answer. I had prepared answers that didn’t help. I wasn’t ready for what she had said. I felt stupid, scared, and had to get control of the situation. Gulp.

So I looked this young woman right in the eye and said, “You are absolutely right. I never even thought about that. Please tell me more.” I threw my index cards in the air, rolled up my sleeves and listened very carefully. Her comment spurred another, and then his comment inspired a third. It was a powerful conversation about teamwork that was relevant to them, not abstract theory. I was able to provide a class on teamwork that looked nothing like the one I expected to teach planned for, but it was exactly the outcome I wanted.

What does it feel like to practice faith with flexibility in my conversation with the unknown? How do I hold desire without expectation? What are the qualities of the trust that it takes to maintain that?